Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Game Flash!

Time for more weekend entertainment! This time, we visit the awesome, yet difficult game simply titled N. You control a ninja as you scale walls and open doors to find your way out of crazy levels. Sounds simple. But it's not.

There are missile turrets and laser guns and homing robots and all kinds of things that would like to keep you from reaching your goal. And they probably will. But it's a fun game all around, with tons and tons of levels.

Instructions: Be ninja, jump high, dodge hazards, collect gold, open doors, escape!

Click Here to play N!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hippy Barthday, Nintendo stuff!

It's bird-day time! That's right! Nintendo's cash cows are getting older! Cute!

First, let's congratulate the Nintendo DS on its 4th birthday. It was born on November 19, 2004. A grand 4 years indeed. In that time period, it has sold an incredible 85 million units. Wow. That's awesome.

The DS has always been awesome in my mind. I was a little surprised to see it when they announced it. Two screens? What the pfargtl? But it only took one play to get me hooked. Kirby Canvas Curse was the first game I played (aside from the Metroid demo included with the system) and it was amazing. Then, hit after hit after hit graced the system. Mariokart, Trauma Center, Phoenix Wright... the list goes on and on and will probably continue that way for some time. In fact, New Super Mario Bros. is on track to break the previously-thought-to-be-unbreakable record of 18 million units set by Super Mario Bros. 3. To prove how awesome the DS is, I now have more DS games than any other system I own. Awesome!

But let's not forget about Nintendo's little white waggle box. The good ol' Wii is turning 2 tomorrow! Tender! No one, and I mean NO ONE thought this thing would be where it is now. Seriously. I think even Nintendo wondered. One of their big wigs even said, "If we don't sell twice what the Gamecube sold, we have failed." In 5 years, the Gamecube sold nearly 22 million units. As of right now, the Wii has sold over 36 million. In two years. Yeah, I think you guys are gonna hit your goal.

In fact, the Wii is on track to become the best selling video game console ever. Even more than the legendary NES, which sold 62 million units worldwide. Quite the achievement. The XBox 360, which came out a full year before the Wii, has sold about 22 million. The Wii has sold 36 million, a full 60% more than the XBox. Don't even bring up the PS3. The poor schmoes only have 16 million. Bwahahahaha!!!

Even more amazing is that Wii Sports continues to approach the 'best-selling game ever' mark with 30 million sold. Mind you, the game comes with the system (except in Japan and Korea), but then again, so did Super Mario Bros., which sold about 40 million. Wow.

The Wii is awesome because of its motion controls. Yeah, there's some really crappy games out there for it. But there are crappy games for every system. And those other guys don't have Mario or Kirby or Zelda or F-Zero or any of that other amazing stuff. The Wii is quite literally changing the direction of video games. Sony tried to incorporate motion controls into their controller after Nintendo showed what they had at E3. Microsoft recently changed the interface of the XBox by adding 'avatars' (everyone knows they're just a knock-off of Miis) and channels similar to the Wii Menu. Leave it to Nintendo to shake up the industry.

In closing, I believe I would be a great candidate for the open position in your company. I think you'll find that my resume is well-written and definitely not totally made-up. Thank you.


Currently Playing: Animal Crossing: City Folk, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, New Zune Games

Friday, November 14, 2008

Flush Gum Froodee!

Friday means new Flash game! This time, I would like to show you a great game. It involves something that is not only immoral, but hilariously morbid. Of course I mean launching kittens out of a cannon.

I should probably tell you that there is blood involved, considering the cat can land on spikes and bombs and what not. It is animated blood, so if you are faint of animated heart, I would recommend staying away.

Instructions: Choose cannon angle, launch kitten, go for distance!

Click Here to play Kitten Cannon!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Agents Are Go!!

There's an issue that must be addressed here. There are problems happening all over the world, and people keep trying to help, but they're not sure what to do. There is mass confusion and chaos on the horizon. And somehow, people forget where to look. I shall tell you where to look. Elite Beat Agents.

Yeah, I know. You probably haven't heard of them. Many haven't. But I guarantee you once you get to know them, they can help you solve so many of your life's problems, you will wonder how you got by without them. A local babysitter recieved help with some snotty kids thanks to the EBA. A Texas oil baron won back his supermodel wife with their assistance. They even helped a car lot owner steal back the secret plans for an amazing new car. How in the world do they know how to solve everything? It's simple, really. It's in the music.

Elite Beat Agents is a DS rhythm/action game similar to other music titles. Think Dance Dance Revolution with a stylus. Beats appear on screen, and you tap, drag, or spin them along with the beat. Sounds hard. And sometimes, it is. But there is simply no way to know how amazing this game is until you play it.

You follow the lives of various people across the globe as they battle life's problems. The EBA help out with jazzy beats and sweet moves. Your job is to keep the song going by correctly nailing as many notes as possible. The first mission puts you in the situation of the babysitter with 3 uncontrollable children. Through the inspirational beats of the EBA, the babysitter and her (future) boyfriend find ways to take control over the miniature monsters. Awesome.

Helping a babysitter in a video game? You bet. Not only is it fun, it's hilarious. The graphics are in a neat comic-book style. And it is stinkin' funny. But it's not just funny. It's exciting. It's thrilling. And sometimes, it's even touching. It's amazing how much emotion they crammed onto a tiny DS cartridge.

One story has a deep sea diver hunting treasure to the song YMCA. And the Agents in the background actually do the YMCA dance. Awesome. Another has the car lot owner trying to steal back the car plans to the beat of Canned Heat (the same song Napoleon Dynamite danced to). Awesome.

I can guarantee you by the time you finish playing this game, you will be sweating bullets. And you will enjoy it. The game starts out easy enough. But it's hard. Dang hard. Yeah, it's hard enough that there's no chance you'll get some of the songs on the first try. In fact, on the highest difficulty, every song is a challenge. But the game is so engaging, so intense, and so fun, you have no choice but to keep going until you beat the song.

Obviously, the heart of any rhythm game is the music. This game doesn't let down. Obviously, some songs are better than others. People have different tastes. No problem. This game has everything from the Rolling Stones to Good Charlotte and everything in between. Even better, many of the songs are covers that are actually better than the original. Wow.

Elite Beat Agents is one of those few games that has a perfect mix of great content, extreme emotions, infinite replay value, perfect difficulty, and endless fun. It is a game that everyone needs to play. I don't mean just DS owners. I don't even mean people who like video games. EVERYONE. MUST. PLAY. THIS. GAME. It's that good.

  • Excellent music!
  • Emotionally charged stories.
  • Stinkin' hard, but perfect for the game.
  • Funnest. DS. Game. Ever.
  • There are none.
This game has earned a Blatantly Biased:

In case you were wondering, this is only the 12th game to receive this high of a Blatantly Biased score, the only DS game to get a 10 (so far), and the first since Kirby Air Ride (Gamecube, 2003).

Monday, November 10, 2008

108 in 2008 Novembrate Update

Here it is close to halfway through November and I'm starting to fall behind on my video game goal!... just kidding. Kinda.

As you can see, I have nearly beaten 100 games this year. That's pretty awesome. Also awesome is that the year is nearly over, which means class is nearly over, which means awesome vacation/play time in near. Wahoo!

But despite the awesomeness approaching, I have been slipping a little. As demonstrated by my extremely professional and probably-not-Excel-spreadsheet picture here, the last time I beat a game was about 2 weeks ago. Whoops. Fortunately, I was ahead two weeks ago, so I'm only a game or two behind. So it's all good.

I do have some commentary about the last few games I beat, though. Take, for example, N+ and Looney Tunes B-Ball. Two amazingly awesome games, the latter moreso than the former. Then, a little further down, a couple of old-school sports games. When I say old-school, I really mean crap-school. Bulls vs. Blazers has to be one of the most stupidly hilarious games I've ever played. The CPU team will always win. Fortunately, the power button was mysteriously pressed right before the game ended. Guess it was a draw. Hehe!

Right below that travesty is Tecmo Bowl. I always hear good things about Tecmo Bowl. I will say that the passing system is the easiest that has ever been created. Pass the ball, the guy catches it. Unfortunately, that also means the interception system is equally easy, if not moreso. Just be within 2 body lengths of the opponent, and prepare to take that ball away. In other words, Tecmo Bowl is not immune to the I-hate-football-video-games disease. Oh well. I beat it. And by that, I mean I played one quarter. Good enuff.

Fortunately, there are much better games down the pipeline. Yesterday, I started Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, the 4th in a series of excellent law games for the DS. Sounds ridiculous, but presenting evidence and catching people lying in court can be an incredible rush. Awesome.

I am also nearly finished with a couple of DS games I got for my birthday from my amazing wife. Bubble Bobble Double Shot and Space Invaders Extreme are both on their way to my beaten list.

There are still 4 weeks of school left. There is one week for Thanksgiving in there, plus about 2.5 weeks after school ends to try and beat games. So, while it may prove to be a slight struggle, I firmly believe that I shall conquer my goal. And now that you're bored, go and play some games. Dangit.


Currently Playing: Apollo Justice, Elite Beat Agents, Looney Tunes B-Ball

Friday, November 7, 2008

Dessert Island

No, I'm not talking about the tropical baked equivalent of Candyland (did you read the title right?) I'm talking about the classic question posed to fanatics of anything. If you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 (whatever the crap) would you want to have with you? Today, I shall share with you you my top 5 games I would have if I was stranded on a desert island.

But this is no ordinary desert island list. I shall share with you my top 5 games with female main characters. Games with a female character as a choice don't count, such as Smash Bros and Mario Bros 2. So let's have a look. Should be interesting...

5 - Trace Memory(DS): This classic DS game stars Ashley Robbins, a thirteen year old girl who recieves a package from her thought-to-be-dead father on her birthday. She is instructed to go to Blood Edward Island off the coast of Washington. Her father is not there to greet her, so she goes lookoing for him.

The game is similar to your standard point-and-click adventure. You explore various rooms and areas and pick up items and hit switches, etc. The story is extremely compelling and the gameplay is very fun. As with many point-and-click adventures, sometimes you can get stuck looking for a hidden item or switch, but aside from that, the game is highly entertaining. After I complete my 108 in 2008 goal, perhaps I shall play through it again. It's that good.

4 - Drill Dozer (GBA): Another Nintendo portable sleeper hit. You play as Jill, a member of a crew of drillers. She controls a walking drilling machine as you try and find all the treasures you can. When you start a level, you can only drill through a certain thickness of walls. As you go, you can find second and third gears, the latter of which allows you to drill through most anything.

Sounds like an 'interesting' title, to be sure. But it's way more fun than it sounds. The levels are nicely designed, and the boss battles are hard, but beatable. Plus, the cartridge has a built-in rumble pak, so when you drill, the thing shakes. That rules. Plus, it's one of those great games where after you beat the main adventure, you just HAVE to go and find all the extra treasures. Definitely worth a second play-through.

3 - Metroid Zero Mission (GBA): Many people are not aware that Samus, the star of Metroid games, is a woman. This is a little more commonly known now that Smash Bros. has Zero Suit Samus, but many are still unaware. In any case, Zero Mission takes place before all the other Metroid games. It's very interesting in that you find out a lot about Samus' past, much of which was previously unknown.

Zero Mission is my personal favorite of all Metroid titles. Mostly because it's fun and exciting, but not thumb-chaffingly hard. Plus the storyline is amazing. The design is simply flawless. All the characters and backgrounds are well-drawn and pleasant to look at. The sound and music fit the mood perfectly. And of course, the controls are perfect. In short, it's an awesome game. Out of all the Metroids, this one deserves the most play-throughs.

2 - Super Princess Peach (DS): What? A game starring the often annoying and far-too-girly Princess Peach? How could that possibly be any good? If you agree with the previous statements, you have obviously never played the game. In my opinion, it's nearly as good as any Mario game. Yeah, it's easy. But who cares? Kirby games are easy, and they're amazing. Easy doesn't mean lame.

Super Princess Peach is similar to many Mario games. You run around, stomp goombas, and collect power-ups. Peach has her umbrella which lets her float, attack enemies, and pick up items. Using the touch-screen, you can control her emotions to help you along your way. For example, you can make her angry, which lets her catch things on fire. It really is an awesome game. Plus, there are some mini-games where you control Toad. Can't get any better than that.

1 - Perfect Dark (N64): One of the few FPS games I own is also one of the best games I own. Perfect Dark is the spiritual sequel to Goldeneye. It controls the same way, but with awesome new weapons and characters. The game is really, really hard at times, but it's also really, really fun. There's a co-op mode, extemely large multiplayer mode, and tons of unlockables. It is easily one of the greatest N64 games, and that's saying something.

In the story mode, you control Joanna Dark, a super-skilled secret agent. You try to foil the DataDyne Corporation and their plans for world domination. Like Goldeneye, you can unlock awesome cheats and options, such as DK mode, which makes everyone's heads and arms huge. Plus, the incredible invincibility mode is fun to use. Just kill people with no chance of dying. In short, the game has nearly unlimited replay value. Awesome.

So, there you go. If any of you get stuck on this island with me, be prepared to play some serious Perfect Dark. Until that time, I shall enjoy the other near billions of games I own.

Honorable Mentions:
Metroid Prime (fun, but too dang hard)
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (haven't played it yet. Looks fun, tho)


Getting Ready to Start: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney

Flash Game Friday!!

Today I introduce to you a new feature to Blatant Bias: Flash Game Fridays! Basically, I show you a great online game to keep you occupied over the weekend. This week I'd like to share with you an old standby: Line Rider. It's good for your fun, it's good for your health, I'm benjamines, For Your Health! Have Some!

Instructions: Draw lines, let rider go, try not to kill him to much. Ready go!

Click Here to play Line Rider!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Well, Election Day is over and there are some interesting results. We are now an Obama-nation as Barack Insane Obama was elected. I don't really know why. In my mind, he was the Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball among presidential candidates. Additionally, Proposition 8 passed in California. To bring this rainbow of emotions to light, let's discuss some same-genre marriages of video games that didn't work out.

Shaquille O'Neal (Manly) + Kung Fu (Manly): Everyone knows that Shaq used to be the coolest player in the NBA. He was huge, he was tall, he was just plain manly. And Kung Fu has always been manly. I mean, come on, what could be manlier than ripping someone's heart out of their chest with your bare hand. But then... what happens when they combine?

Ok, so take the best parts of Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Clayfighter, and everything that's left over basically amounts to Shaq Fu. There aren't even any original characters. You have some weird Jack the Ripper-ish feller, and the rest are your garden variety fight game crew. Gaaaaaaaame of the year. Not.

Firefighters (Manly) + Explosions (Manly): So, there actually are Firefighting games that are fun and entertaining. I mean, seriously. Firefighters are just plain cool. And explosions? It pretty much doesn't get any manlier than that. And then there's The Ignition Factor.

This civil union of two manly styles makes for one classic(ly crappy) SNES game. It gives you the chance to see what it would be like to save people from a burning mannequin factory. I kid you not. There are people dying, but 90% of the silhouettes turn out to be plastic people. Homo. Sapiens. Made of plastic.

Barbie (Girly) + Fairies, Princesses, etc. (Girly): Girls have a right to have girly things. That's why McDonald's has their Barbie/Hot Wheels happy meals so every kid can be happy. If they want Barbies, that's fine. They can have their Hello Kitty. Disney Princess? Ok. But anytime you start adding girly to girly, it just makes a mess. Imagine planting a flower inside of another flower. Let me know how that turns out for you.

To be honest, most girl video games are just plain retarded (Julie Find A Way, anyone?) And the Barbie NES game (pictured) is probably tougher to beat than most games, purely because of poor design. But to be fair, there are some games that take one part girly and one part manly and it turns out great. Super Princess Peach, for example. One part girly (Princess Peach, girly to the max), and one part manly-platforming action, and POOF! Pure awesome. Most other girl games don't hold back on the sugar and spice. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaateway to depression, to be sure.

For the record, anything with Bratz in it automatically qualifies as gaaaaaaang violence and should not be used by anyone.

Donkey Kong (Manly) + Pest Control (Manly): As far as video game characters go, Donkey Kong is about as manly as they come. I mean, the guy wears a tie for goodness sake. And don't forget he can play the bongos better than any simian out there. But then, one day, he stumbled onto the territory of the Orkin man.

Donkey Kong 3 was much different than any other DK game. Instead of controlling Mario, you were a strapping young lad with a bug spray gun. Somehow, this is useful in keeping giant gorillas at bay. And... that's about all you do. Don't get me wrong, I love Donkey Kong games. Just not this one. Any game where you spray someone in the butt with harsh chemicals sounds pretty gay to me.

Basketball (Manly) + Robots (Manly): You all knew this was coming. A perfect example of why same-genre video game marriages don't work. And don't give me all this 'Every game is equal' crap. One look at Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball should turn every game straight. I don't even know why I have to explain it. It's like explaining why poop stinks.

For those unfamiliar (consider yourselves lucky), Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball involves extremely slow and clunky basketball action with extremely slow and clunky robot suits. Imagine trying to play tennis in six feet of snow, wearing an entire suit of medieval armor. That would be about 3 times faster and 12 times funner than this game. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaping wound on my brain.

For a finer look at these and other cream-of-the-crap games, go here. In the meantime, I'ma go wash the stink outta my nose.


Currently Playing: Worms 3D, Wii Fit, Smash Bros. Brawl

Monday, November 3, 2008

N+ = A+?

A while back, the internet Flash game 'N' appeared on the scene. It was a great physics-based game. In the game, you control an extremely agile ninja who can scale walls, run very quickly, and jump about 6 times his height. The goal was to open the door with a switch and then reach said door. Also, hazards such as land mines, homing missiles, and lasers made the job very difficult.

Recently, the game was given a new iteration in the form of a DS game called N+. It takes everything great about the original, and adds new levels, a level editor, multiplayer, and online play. How cool is that?

Surprisingly, the game doesn't lose any of its charm with its translation to Nintendo's ever popular portable. The physics are essentially identical to the original. This is great, considering the DS's controls are more comfortable than a computer keyboard.

Also awesome is the fact that you can save (a few) replays. This is important because some of these levels may take hours to complete. Not because they are large, but because they are extremely difficult. One of the more difficult levels has you scaling mine-laden walls and hitting multiple switches while homing missiles continuously chase you around. Dang.

The game also has a new style, with more realistic looking enemies and areas. But, if you prefer the classic style, you can use that, too. Interestingly enough, if you save a replay and switch styles, the replay turns out different. So I guess they're not totally identical. Crazy.

All in all, the game is loads of fun. It's one of those great DS games that you can open, play for a few minutes, and then put away until you have another free minute. The graphics are well done, the gameplay is good, and the replay value is very very high. Plus, there's a level editor. Level editors rule!!!

I would recommend this game to anyone who likes ninjas, anyone who likes explosions, and anyone who likes video games. Hoo-hah!

  • Extremely addicting fun
  • Loads of levels, plus a level editor
  • Great physics, great design, great fun!
  • The music is terrible (but you can turn it off)
  • The interface is a little clunky
  • Sometimes you die for no reason (this is rare)
This game has earned a Blatantly Biased: