Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Book of Threedius, Chapter 5

1. And it came to pass in fifth month of the reign of Threedius, a joyous decree was read: “Behold! The loyal followers of King Threedius shall be given a most precious gift! On the morn of the first day of the ninth month, my ambassadors shall receive a bounty of joy! Yea, even a most bountiful joyousness!”

2. “For behold, ten of the most beloved of the records of my ancestors shall be given unto ye on this day to ensure your faith! And behold, ye shall receive ten more in a short time.”

3. And it came to pass that King Threedius, wanting to further strengthen the faith of his followers, gave the records unto his ambassadors one day before the original prophecy.

4. And the people rejoiced. The faithful among them celebrated with sweet drink and salted foodstuffs. But behold, those who trusted not in King Threedius were not given records, and were sorrowful. Yea, sorrowful even until they desired death rather than see the records of their brethren and know they could not obtain.

5. But behold, King Threedius was a generous king. And it came to pass that he promised the unfaithful that they, too, would be offered the chance to obtain these precious records. Behold, the time would come when all would be permitted to partake in the joy of these records. However, the unclean among them would be required to pay with gold and with silver and with all manner of precious things.

6. And it came to pass that the ambassadors of King Threedius were joyful in their gifts, and they celebrated in both day and in night. Yea, their joy was exceedingly full.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Mondownload… wait, what?

3DSHello again, faithful readers (both of you)! Today,we need to make some changes. You see, Nintendo recently changed the day of the week on which they release downloadable games from Monday to the closer-to-the-weekend Thursday. This means that Mondownloaday is no more. So, without further adieu, I present to you: Thursdownloaday! Ok, no it’s not a radical change. But who cares?! New games!

WiiWare logo
  • The Ignition Factor (SNES, 800 pts) – If you dig fighting fires and you don’t might tedius challenges, this game is for you. If you like letting people burn to death, then this game is also for you. You’ll just have to play it a little counter-intuitively. (If you’re looking for a fun firemen game, try to get your hands on The Firemen [also for the SNES]. It’s much better.)

DSiWare logo
  • Let’s Create! Pottery (500 pts) – Who doesn’t love making digital pots? Especially when you don’t actually get to keep or use the end result? I guess if you really like pretending to potterize, then give it a try. Also, you know… if you’re gay.
  • Magical Whip: Wizards of the Phantasmal Forest (200 pts) – In this game whose name resembles my favorite sandwich spread, you run around and beat up monsters with your magical whip. While it may sound as gay as the previous game I mentioned, it looks pretty fun. It’s almost Bubble-Bobble-esque in a way, so I might actually spend the miniscule 200 pts to check it out. Speaking of… I hope Squeenix makes a 3DS Bubble Bobble for download. That’d be schweet!
  • Calculator (200 pts) – For those of us who don’t already have 50 calculators and/or people who think they have 200 pts that simply can’t be spent anywhere else. Also nerds.

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  • Gargoyle’s Quest (Game Boy, $3.99) – In this spin-off of the Ghosts n’ Goblins universe, play as a Gargoyle and run around beating the crap out of things. I hear it’s good. I guess you better download it and find out for sure!
Well, there’s your Thursdownloaday! Another week, another crop of games. Go buy some of them! Or buy me some of them! I won’t mind! Bye now!